...i want so badly to believe...

cassieandrah @ 2004-10-16T22:59:00

2004-10-17T03:10:03Z

i hate it when everything seems to be building up. Lifes just kind of crappy and i don't know how to deal with everything. My self-esteem is at an all time low, so here comes the old routine all over again. No matter what i do differently my life repeats itself. I'm sick of being stuck on this unpredictable and endless roller coaster. Why can't things be easier? Why can't things change? I just wish i could change things, figure things out, had control over something and could be happy with myself. Yet all those wishes seem impossible to grasp. Everytime i even get close they become less and less tangible. I just don't know what to do or how i can deal with any of this. I wish things would just chill out. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like thats going to happen anytime soon. Eh oh well, i'll survive.

cassieandrah @ 2004-09-18T23:31:00

2004-09-19T03:36:39Z

I was at this awesome worship thing with all the youth groups in my city, when i realized that it was the 18th of September. So, officially i am 17 and 1/2 today... which means more importantly that its Amandrah's birthday... so, HAPPY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY AMANDAH!!!

At revolution we were getting ready to pray, and my youth leader Jason told us all to hold hands. Well, i was sitting next to the boy of this couple which i really don't know, so i felt very awkward. That awkwardness must have shown on my face, because my friend Becca looked over and started laugh, when i realized how weird my facial expression must have been i started laughing too. The poor boy just stiffened and i felt bad. Now, however, that i look back on it, that was pretty darn funny. The end.

♥

cassieandrah @ 2004-09-17T17:26:00

2004-09-17T21:30:46Z

Hey guys. Mara says hi to everyone... I do have an update, sorry to say its not a pleasant one. Ashlee went to the doctors and she lost the baby... She's pretty upset but she's viewing it as God's plan. She and i both wanted to thank everyone for their prayers. My whole family and i really appreciate it.
♥

Rest in peace baby Sapienza.

cassieandrah @ 2004-09-15T18:25:00

2004-09-15T22:27:47Z

hey everyone. Sorry its been so long since i have updated. I kind of have some bad news. My sister Ashlee found out shes pregnant which is awesome, cause she and Phil really want another baby... but it looks like she might lose the baby and she really could use prayer... so if you could pray for her, she and i would be very greatful. Thank you.
♥
Cassandra

so sorry to disappoint you

2004-07-08T17:12:24Z

You think the worst of me and expect me to think the best of you.
Sorry love the world doesn't work nor does it think the way you do.
I'm sick of your excuses and lies,
you are not the only one that can assume that disguise.
You hide behind your pain,
from life you refrain.
In excuses there is nothing to gain.
Your bitterness is al that is displayed.
The victim game you've played.
The worst part is you used the real victim as your excuse.
Her death should not be put to such use.
Nor in death should she suffer such abuse.

cassieandrah @ 2004-06-28T13:22:00

2004-06-28T17:35:35Z

i just got back from a camping trip yesterday. Creation festival is the most amazing thing ever. I love it. The first night we went out to the skate park and worshipped for three hours and everyone was just so overwhelmed with the holy spirit and they all cried. It was truly amazing. We sang 'til about 3 in the morning. The next day was pretty rad to. I found this boy (scott) for audrey to marry, libby hit it off with my friend ben (so cute), and julie and i were anti hooking up, so we chilled with winship (such a cool guy). Julie and i met this girl named amy, shes truly such an awesome princess of God's that girl was so on fire and a wonderful encouragement. Day 3 Julie and i both were so exhausted, we had only gotten 3 hours of sleep the night before, it was so worth it though. We went to shows, went shopping, bought cd's, and just hung out. Scott, Winship, Audrey, Libby, Jessica, Ben, Nick, Julie, and I all dressed up like we were in bands (julies and my bands name is and was mayo) and watched the shows. It stormed like crazy, the rain was awesome. We went to bed early that night. Day 4 i hung out with Libby, Scott, Winship, and Audrey and we went shopping i found a fine china CD for 3.50 and a hunningtons CD for 4.00 i was so excited. Aud and Libby both thought i liked Scott! That was a laugh. Julie and i both found it funny. I ran into my friend Richard from last year that night and i got to talk to him. He's a sweetheart. I hung out with Winship and Julie later on that night we stayed up til 5 a.m. ( a whole group of us) and just chilled by the camp fire. The next day was sad because it was goodbyes time. I really wish it hadn't ended. Well thats my week. The end.

cassieandrah @ 2004-06-19T22:05:00

2004-06-20T02:06:26Z

today i got my hair cut by Julie and she and i hung out. We went to Mafe's house and did our hair and make-up, Julie gave me these rings so we have twin rings and hair clips now. Then Mike picked us up and we went to fridays and had lunch. Our waitress was really nice, we colored pictures and i gave her mine. After that we were going to head to Allen's pond to play on the swingset but it was drizzeling, so instead we drove to target. Julie and i tried on dresses and bathingsuits, then we went to the Bowie Town Center and got mike a slushy. Julie's boyfriend Eric needed to pick her up by the time we were done with that so we headed off to the church to meet him. Julie and i sung Mike songs on the swingset and just played. Eric came and picked Julie up and then it was off back to my house. When i got home my siblings seemed a little to happy to see me. I think Micah must have been going crazy. Micah fell off the dumpster and hurt his hands so i ended up dressing wounds as soon as i walked in the door... i swear that boy was meant for theater, SO dramatic. Now it's time for pizza... EEEK More food? I think i am going to be pleasantly obese by the time todays over. The end.<3

.</3.

cassieandrah @ 2004-06-17T18:32:00

2004-06-17T22:44:45Z

Creation is coming up super fast. Lil Libby is comming with me, I'm really excited. Things have just been crazy. I really miss christine... one bad thing about creation will be the fact she can't be there... i haven't been to agape farms without her. We'll see how it goes. If it gets to bad I can always head out early with someone.
Bessie went back on tuesday... i am going to miss that girl, shes so amazing.
Saturday was the first revolution, talk about awesome! God was just there. It was amazing. Julie and i hung out with her boyfriend Eric, Jeris, Joe, Beth, this other girl that was friends with Beth, Mike and Marty at Fridays afterward. It was pretty fun, i saw Julies mom again for the first time in a while. Julie is so fun, i love hanging out with her. She can make me laugh no matter what mood I'm in. I think shes one of the only people that thinks i can sing...
I've been working like crazy recently. Things have been alright though besides that. Not very exciting. Everyones finally out of school, which is good because it means on those days i don't work i can have people to hang out with.
I think Julies cutting my hair tomorrow or on saturday, i'm half nervous and half excited. I haven't had anyone else cut my hair in over a year... I don't think my haircutting jobs are to bad, but it will be nice to have it done for a change... well i think thats the end.

cassieandrah @ 2004-06-10T21:39:00

2004-06-11T01:50:40Z

yesterday was exciting. Bessie is back from Ohio for a week!!! I haven't seen her in ove 7 months and i miss her so incredibly much. I got to hang out with her yesterday and she came to small group, it was so enjoyable. She made me whole week that much better. I found out that people are talking so much crap about lil Libs yesterday, ugh it made me so mad... i really just want to punch the girl thats saying stuff in the nose. I know she only does it to make herself look/feel better... but its pathetic, Libby is nothing like the person shes trying to make her out to be.

today was so long. I had work for 6 hours with these two boys that were terrible. I seriously think they hate me. I was so glad to be home. I did get to talk to Claire however shes amazing. I think i get to hang out with her this saturday, its exciting. I might be working with her for part of the summer, which would rock. I really need a job. Eh things will work out... the end.

cassieandrah @ 2004-06-07T21:45:00

2004-06-08T01:59:56Z

Lifes getting crazy all over again. I'm finding out that one of my siblings is spreading crap about me... i have so much more on that person than they have on me and its taking all that is within me to keep from just telling everyone about them. I hate that feeling, it's like when you get hurt by an object and you get so mad you kick it and it just hurts you all over again. I know thats exactly what would happen if i fought back. I'm trying so hard to ignore it, i just pray God will give me the strength to do that.

So sunday i missed Church ONCE AGAIN! I'm so mad at myself for that. I went to youthgroup that night and hung out with Julie... gum had gotten on my pants so i borrowed hers, which made me come to the conclusion that her style is adorable but i could never pull it off... i love the pants though. I switched ministries. Originally i was doing worship but i got scared out of it, so im doing what i am most comfortable with, which is drama.

Today was kind of lazy, i slept in, played with my sisters friend's (sara's) baby Kaden... hes so cute! I had yet another doctors appointment and have another one tomorrow. I went to the pool after that, it was so fun. I found a new friend in my brothers ex (yes i know im always friends with my brothers ex's) Emilee, shes super sweet. Apparently she knows my ex. Everyone thinks hes so cute, and i know i used also, but now i just don't see it. That sounds so mean because he was, for the most part, a nice guy. Well anyway thats the end<3.

.</3.

cassieandrah @ 2004-06-05T23:30:00

2004-06-06T03:59:49Z

Life is so crazy, i am sick of high school drama... stupid narcissist drama queen, i really just can't be friends with her anymore. I mean i don't have to even put up with her now that i don't go to her school anymore and she treats my friends terribly. So it's official, i am anti her.

Yesterday i went to the doctors and i found out i need glasses. I'm lucky i had a doctors appointment that day, because i was going to go get my learners that same afternoon. It would have sucked to discover that i needed glasses after driving the 45+ minutes to go to the MVA. So now i have to go get glasses before hand... I'm kind of dreading it... Cassie + glasses might be scary. My doctor thinks i do drugs... its kind of funny. Every time she sees me shes like "your pupils are really dilated every time i see you. Why is that?" "well i'm on anti depressants and my pupils are naturally like that." "huh, i've never seen anyone thats pupils were just like that." It makes me laugh. Eh oh well.

Ashlee came and picked Rachel and i up yesterday and we went to watch Mara at her house. We stopped by the store before we got to Ashlee's house, and Mara decides she wanted to be cool and drive the broken car outside. She was so mad when we made her leave. I bought her some candy and she was happy with that, until we got back outside. She sat right back in that car and when we tried to get her to leave she said "NO WAY!" Some man called her a doll baby and ashlee was like "she doesn't act like one" and mara made her pouting face... i couldn't help but laugh. So last night she was bratty throwing hissy fits and today she was nothing but cuddly and loveable... funny how a baby can be like that and get away with it. I swear i love that girl. I want one, one day. She and i spent most of the day dancing. It was loads of fun, she has such a radiant personality and so much energy. i love it.

I came home around 8 and the house was wrecked! My gosh, if my mother had walked in right after me she would have freaked out... luckily we had it clean before she got home so everything was alright. My parents are an adorable couple. Their personalities compliment each other so perfectly and they just really love each other. Every time i think of what love really is i think of them, and i think of Ashlee and Phil... I just hope i have that some day.

I really feel like God's working in my life. I also really feel like there are some old friends that tear me down that i just needed to stop hanging out with, luckily i already did that and things are getting a lot better. Lets just hope they stay that way... the end

.</3.

cassieandrah @ 2004-06-03T18:00:00

2004-06-03T22:17:47Z

It's been forever since i updated. Things have been pretty crazy. My mom finally got tickets for creation... i am really excited! It's so amazing there. I remember the first year we went there with Christine, when Casey was still having problems. I took a bazillion pictures of Audrey and Christine to send to Casey to cheer him up. Then there was the three boys, Winship, Joel, and Brandon... Winship liked Christine, Joel liked Audrey, and Brandon was just confused... he went from Christine, to Julie, to Me then went back to California. Moral of the story is if you meet a boy from California named Brandon, at a Christian four day music festival in PA, just walk the other way.

Claire's in Florida, i really hope shes having a good time. Audrey went to the beach for 2 days and is back, i missed her being around. My family went sailing all weekend so Audrey and i had the house to ourselves. It was very relaxing... I get my learners tomorrow! Finally. I should have been driving over a year ago. Hana and i went swimming for about 5 minutes today at the pool (it was freezing). Hana's wonderful. People gossiping however is not cool, it ruins so many relationships. I have decided that i don't want to be friends with people who gossip all the time because, when i do i find myself leaning toward those tendencies.

Alex Hooker is awesome, he and my sister are the cutest 12/13 year old couple ever.

It's official i am a ditz if there ever was one. I have proved it so many times this week... its kind of funny. Well... at least it is for everyone else. It's so weird to see people from my old school, i keep forgetting Micah doesn't know i don't go there anymore... I feel so bad for him because he hates school. He wants to be home-schooled so bad. By the way, hes the cutest 6 year old boy in the world. He's always telling his sisters that there Boo-iful (beautiful). That boy is a mac. Well i think this post is done... I'm fired. The end.

.</3.

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-29T22:34:00

2004-05-30T02:40:59Z

Today was amazing. Actually from wednesday night on has been wonderful. Wednesday night i went to small-group... once again (as hana said) small-group was a small group. Just Hana Claire and i. I spent the night at Claires. I slept 'til about 2 o'clock, it was wonderful. I called Claire and she asked if i wanted to stay another night... so i did. Then Claire picks me up and she and i went shopping and stayed out 'til for-seriously late. We came home and ordered a pizza... mmm. Well the next morning i wake up super early to spend time with my mommy... Before Claire leaves she drops a bathing suit in my lap (it was the one i fell in love with at the store). I felt so bad, shes super amazing.
Well my Mom and i spent time together and we went shopping and i bought skirts. (Yes i know Cassie and skirts seems unlikely). Well i knew i had to get up around 5 this morning. So i didn't want to go out to the movies with Janelle and Woody because i wanted sleep. HA! Woody came to pick up Rachel because Rachel wanted to come, and they both wanted me there (so did Janelle), so i went. I didn't go to sleep until 12:30 last night, and i woke up at 4:30 this morning. Kim (the lady i work for) had asked me to help with a consession stand at the dedication of the World War II monument (i think?). It was soooo awesome! I made lots of friends and it was just an amazing expierence. I loved it! Besides the fact that my feet were killing me. We wrapped hot dogs (ew!!! ((vegitarian)) they were gross) and this man Jose found out that i was a vegitarian, he goes over to the chinese food place next door and gets me a vegitarian egg roll for lunch. He was so sweet... Awesome boy who's name i can't spell and i went on a walk, and saw the beautiful lake and this beautiful water fountain... (i think that was the dedication thing). It was great. Except for the fact that this one guy was really mean. It seemed like he had a negative comment for everything i did. Then he had the nerve to call me babe... i turned around and i was like "yeah, that wasn't degrading at all!" (in a sarcastic tone). He didn't get it, besides that it was wonderful. I think i am going to do this again after Creation Festival... I'm forreally excited. The end<3

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-25T20:17:00

2004-05-26T00:35:53Z

Well sunday night i went to my friends Taylor and Becca's surprise party at church, it was fun. I also decided that i am never going back to Bowie High School again, and i haven't since. I've been absent 3 days in a row now... i wonder what my teachers think happened to me. I don't know, i just kind of got sick of the degrading comments, and guys thinking i am some animal that they own. I am a human to, jerks.

So monday rolls around and i spent time with my mom and rachel and bought a pretty shirt that i don't think i'm keeping... I'm such an impulse buyer, i need help. Then my mom decides to pick up my cousin (whom i do not get along with) to spend the night without warning me first. Needless to say, it was a bad idea. My cousin started being mean to my Rachel right away... i was really mad about that. I told her to stop it because i don't like people hurting my sisters. Then she told me she could beat me up, and that if she weren't recovering from surgery she would... BIG laugh she couldn't hurt me if she wanted to. She and i went to young life with me and she was fine there. We get home and shes her annoying self again, to escape the madness i was rude and got online. I didn't care i was really about to start yelling.

I woke up late this morning and i came down stairs and she starts to annoy me right away. Then when i ignore her she does the two things she know will piss me off... She starts hitting and pushing Rachel and being negative. My gosh i almost threw a hissy fit. I told her if she hit Rachel one more time i would hit her back, because i knew Rachel wouldn't. Then she just continued with negative comments. I spent an hour doing my "make-up" just to avoid talking to her. (i know i'm mean). We had to take Rachel to the doctors and i was not about to be left home alone with my cousin, so i tagged along.

Then we went to the store, Rachel and i decided to go and get a dress for our niece Marlianna. So we look around and i found the perfect dress for her. It's going to accentuate her eyes lots (not that she needs that her eyes are already the most beautiful things ever and no one can look at her and not notice those huge blue things.) We got home and she hit rachel again. I got so mad, i pulled Rachel aside and showed my Mom. My Mom was so annoyed. I seriously was about to smack my cousin so hard! Luckily i have self control or else she would have gone home crying. Well when i told her (once again) not to hit my sister she made this b.s. story up about how i pushed her into a clothing table at target. My gosh! I was like "What are you talking about? I really don't appreciate you lieing because i wasn't even around you at the store. And when i was, i was with Rachel." i really wanted to say i avoided you because i can't stand you, but once again i refrained. She carried on with the lie of course...

I was so happy when it came time to work because i could get away from her. Well lucky for me we took her home. If she had stayed another night i would have had someone come pick me up and slept over their house, just to make sure i wouldn't punch her. That's my story. The end.

.</3.

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-23T13:20:00

2004-05-23T17:23:05Z

I've decided im a lazy bum. i was to tired this morning so i didn't go to church because my parents decided to go to the 9:30 service... Anyway so i think my friends coming to youthgroup tonight... excitement? Things have been kind of Crazy recently. Hannah and Audrey's recital was reallllly good. I was so proud. Rachel, Joy and I kept screaming everytime Hannah, Audrey, Grace or Allison came out on stage... we embarrassed them like no other... it was so great. Anyway i hope things are going to start calming down... we'll see.

Matrix!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

my quiz results are weird....

yay

2004-05-22T20:25:26Z

Freakin' yesterday rocked. I was so nervous about everything. I got up around 10:30 and i was like wait a second the suns out and my mom hasn't woken my up yet... whats going on?! So she had decided to let me stay home to prepare for Hana's party. We cleaned all day and then went up to the store and i bought all the food we needed. So i came home and was cleaning... Jake walks in the door. Very confusing. Well apparently my family hadn't picked up the phone while i was out so no one could get ahold of me. He had to drive to my house to get the street names and then he got stuck at the bottom of our drive-way. Well everyone showed up around 5:30 and we waited for Hana. She got there at 6:45 and she was soooo surprised it was so great! She said she had a lot of fun which is good. Hana, Libby and I took a walk at midnight and watched cheaper by the dozen until 3:45. Then we tried to get Libby to come upstairs to go to bed but she wouldn't she kept talking about sitting down, and watching TV while she was alseep. So Hana and i went to bed and i guess the alarm clock didn't go off because Hana didn't get up until Tim, Charles, David and Shawn were already here to pick her up. I am watching 5 kids by myself. 2 of them are taking a nap. It's crazy theres a 19 month old (mara), a 29 month old (alyssa), a 3 year old (tyler), a 5 year old (Jacob), and a 7 year old (Micah). They all were going crazy then i turned on Veggietales and put Mara down and now its easy... ugh i love it! They are so much fun. The end.

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-20T21:41:00

2004-05-21T01:42:57Z

this made my day, for the simple reason that I LOVE THIS GUY!!! sooo hott. How they knew i do not know...

Your Husband Generator by Lady_Galadriel
Name
Your Husband Is
You Met	in the womens toilets
You Have	1 child
You Live	england
In	a farm house
You And Your Partner Are Best Known For	your arguments

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-20T18:46:00

2004-05-20T23:04:24Z

Yesterday rocked so hard! School sucked because of course i was made fun of and of course i took it all in like i shouldn't. It's just so hard not too. But that night Hana and i were the only ones that went to small-group. So instead of just having a 3 person small-group we went and we got Texas Chain Saw Massacre and this movie thats like creek manor or something along those lines. So we stayed up forseriously late and watched movies and had a sleep over. I went into school late and it was fun. I hope Hana enjoyed it too. Claire, Hana and I were all really grossed out and freaked by texas chain saw massacre but i don't think anyone could have screamed as loud as Claire... (love you!) or me for that matter. I was freakin' wailing myself. But it was a really good movie for you horror fans.
I still can't make up my mind on what i want to do for school next year. I have 3 choices and honestly if i weren't doing the television production class i wouldn't be going to bowie... but the whole AACC thing would be very expensive. Homeschooling might be a nice change but that means hardly any social interaction... I don't know what i want to do. I guess we'll see what God has in store for me.
So today i walked into third period instead of second and i was like uhhh whoops and left. So i went into second and BRITTANY'S BACK! Yay, that made me happy, i missed that girl. These boys in 5th talked about my friends chest,and when i stood up for her one of them started talking about mine. Then he told me i look like a boy, i was flaming. I feel like such a rat, but i told my administrator. They've been saying things to both my friend and i since the beginning of the year, and i can not longer tolerate it. That really spoiled my day. I got home and worked and all that fun stuff...
Now Mara is over and we are having a play date. I love her so much! Anyway i think i am going to go and watch movies with her, because she is getting restless. I can't wait to hang out with lil lib and hana tomorrow! Super excited! ♥

.</3.

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-18T21:06:00

2004-05-19T01:09:46Z

i kind of wanted to post Christine's old poems... i kind of started looking at them after talking to someone about her, and it just seems approaprate... i would just post the link to her old journal, but for some reason it doesn't work anymore... so here you go.

He smiles. But you know hes confused.
He dances in the dark because hes happy.
He loves her. She knows it.
Hes a king, his car is his royal throne.
He pretends hes not a racer. She knows he is.
Hes a treasurer, a keeper, a wisher and a builder.
He eats neat and looks clean.
He has a strong voice, but whispers sweetly.
Hes a man now. His parents make sure he knows that. But hes the most tender one out there.
He makes sweet presents for the girls he likes.
He wants a puppy, he wants fish.
He cant scream like a girl. But he wants too.
He likes love movies, but keeps mostly macho ones to cover it up.
He'll be your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your best friend. Your everything.
His touch will melt you. His eyes are deep.
Hes a beautiful light dancing on the walls.
Hes a gift but he doesnt know it.
He loves you in ways he doesnt know hes capiable of. And hurts you the in the same ways.
Hes my valentine. Every day.

Ill Light off fire works at your front porch.
Make your house a maze of flowers.
Write your name in the sand.
Sing you the most beautiful love songs.
Shout your name in the most hollowest of places so it echoes forever.
Write your name on every paper that passes me by.
Wish on every star for you.
Miss you every second that passes.
Think of you any time I see a heart.
Feel jealous for every kiss I see that isnt me and you.
Run a million miles to be by your side.
Hold you every chance I get.
Lie down at your feet.
Tell you all my secrets.
Cry on your lap.
Whisper in your ear.
Color you pictures.
Dream of you in my sleep.
Run to you in my nightmares.
Call you when I cant sleep.
Be with you and be silent.
Love you with all of my heart.

The wind carried a seed to the most beautiful valley.
Full of the wildest flowers, most viberant in color and promising in growth.
So the seed began to grow there. Warmth and light and love,
everything it needed to grow, everything it needed to be beautiful was there.
And the flower grew strong. But it rained hard sometimes,
breaking off petals and bending its stem the flowers beauty began to fade.
Trying to fight through the harshest of weathers,
drooping down low to the dirt the flower could barely survive.
Being sheltered by the other flowers shade the flower slowly wilted and dropped its last petal.
If only it had a twig to lean on, a tree, another flower, anything.
But when the flower had begin to fall it felt to low to reach up.
So slowly it drowned. The wind carried a seed to the most beautiful valley,
when all it need was a garden.

i miss you,

. </3 .

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-18T13:50:00

2004-05-18T18:07:50Z

I feel like such a bad person, yesterday i hurt some guys feelings, because i'm a jerk. I also had my brother Noah mad at me... i don't know it was just a bad day. I haven't been able to go back to school in two days and it really sucks, because im going to have loads of make-up work. But it's okay i can do it!

Anyway, about today. My mother, sister and i decided that the dogs needed a little fenced in area so that they couldn't eat cicadas and puke all over the place... Yes my dogs for some reason think cicadas taste good...ew. So we went to home depot and bought these fence things, some flat cinder blocks, river rocks, and sand. My mom bought me subway (yayz!) and Rachel Mcdonalds and then we came home. We came inside just to cool down because it was super hot out today. So we go outside to get started, just to find that Aaron and my brother Ryan were parked in the place that we needed to be to unload the van. So instead My Mom had to park further away, and my drive way is this steep hill... it sucked royally. After doing the fencing my Mom wanted a break, so Rachel and i finished unloading the van. My gosh, talk about heavy lifting... Yeah i know i'm a wimp. I'm just glad that parts over with. Unfortunately we are only half done, but when we are finished it will look awesome... i hope.

I have been such a depressed little child today, and i really just don't get it. I went from being pretty happy and content to an ultimate low... it makes no sense. I'm especially worried about my friend. She was so happy sunday. Yesterday she found out some bad news and she is so angry and upset (which is reasonable). I hate seeing her sad. I seriously would give anything just to make her smile. I offered to switch places with her and the more i think about it, the more i wish that were possible. She's such an amazing person.

I got to talk to Nicole today, shes so amazing. I love her. I miss her loads! I mean she's one of the coolest people ever. If you haven't met Nicole you should... I think thats pretty much all i have to say. Bye guys.

</3>Cassieandrah</strike>

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-17T13:10:00

2004-05-17T17:39:43Z

I was kind of upset today and i started going through all my old junk. Well i stumbled across this box that i used to put all my notes in and i found some that i wanted to put on here, because they are fun...

I guess i'll start off with Hana's. This is from August of 2002.

Hi Cassie fellow skunkEmo!
I'm writting you this letter because I feel like it. So basically i have no reason at all (Plus this is a cute piece of paper) Cassie I swear that no one in this world could ever replace your friendship or the place in my heart you've filled. And I think you needed to hear that every once in a while. Oh, i figured out our bands name!! Ahem...[number of band members] And the two Skunkemos. Because I can't find all those skunkemos they are becoming extinct! Okay I think i'm done writing you a letter now. I love you!

~Fellow SkunkEMO~
Hana T.

Scratch the silver part with a penny! It has a secret message.
*message*
"I'm glad you're my friend."
______________________________________

The next ones from Christine and i didn't stumble across this one, because its on my wall. However, i did read it today because after reading some of these i was thinking about her.

To: my baby cousin cass & sionara sucka
my cousins cousin benny

i had a rocken time hanging out w/ you guys. i am going to miss ya. and if you 2 get bored give me a call... cass you should know my digets. Stevens on his way right now to pick me up :( but don't worry ill be back in 2 weeks. ben i probably wont see ya in like 100 years cuz you live all the way aways.
Ill miss ya babys.
I gotta pack up my junk...cass protect ben from your friends (the girl ones)
Kiss kiss

love ya alwayz
bisbeen

hola
*number*

i will survive...
i will survive

ps no eating poop without me
_____________________________________

theres another one from her she wrote in my little address book when we first became really close. Probably at the end of 6th grade, because i stopped being so sensative and started taking jokes as jokes...FINALLY!

Cass, hey booger brain! I love you very much! You have grown up so much over the past like month no wait... 2 weeks. Your getting so much prettier and im glad we can hang out w/ out fighting. I love you so much!
Love
!Christine!

*continued*
I ♥ YOU!
love,
Christine
______________________________________

I also found about a bazillion letters that mandah had written me. I found part of one i didn't think she would mind me sharing.

awwe! That was a loooong time ago! I just never got to send it :\ (in reference to a previous letter she had sent with this one.) I hope you terry are doing well. i ♥ u, cassie-hoo... I guess i'mma go for the 2nd time

Cool
Always there for me
Super-special friend
Sweetbeart
Awesome friend
Neat earings :)
Dancing exper (haha)
Rocks manah'z socks!
Amazing voice
Happenin'

horah! ::claps:: I ♥ ♥ ♥ u!
*End*
luv,
Amandah G.

yeah uhh most of the above is not true however i thought it was super sweet, so i put it down anyway.
______________________________________

One that always makes me kind of...relax i guess... when i'm upset about christine is this poem from Kelsey.

Emo girl who rocks this world
I wish you didn't have to cry anymore
You're a shining star and we love you
Shes your shining star and will always love you
Never forget about yesterday - but do remember
that tomorrow is a new day.
People come and people go - peoples hearts you'll
always know
Dream on, Rock on Emo Girl
Emo girl who rocks this world
_____________________________________

Okay thats enough of my random letters...
sorry that this post was a little strange, there was no fun reason for posting them. They are posted pretty much because i felt like it, and they made me happy... So, Thanks Hana, ~~Christine~~, Amandah, and Kelsey. I love you guys loads!!! &hearts.

</3>Cassieandrah</strike>

Yes i know i have ADD... but i'm okay with that now.

2004-05-17T03:01:43Z

Recently i don't know whats been wrong with me. For some reason everyone and their Mom has been asking if i have an eating disorder (jokingly and seriously), and also pointing out that i'm "losing weight". I really am not getting skinnier, i just am wearing bigger clothes because i'm sick of guys looking at me like a piece of meat... I also have been letting peoples opinions effect me way to much. I found myself at church today moving away from Claire and Mike so they would not hear me sing, because i was not "warmed up yet"... It's so stupid. First off, Claire does not care what i sound like, she loves me anyway. Secondly Mike i hardly know, so i really should not worry about what he thinks at all. Now that i am done with that rant, lets move on to a different topic...
I went to have a sleep over with Claire at Mike's house on saturday. We had a lot of fun and got to talk which was awesome, because one on one time with Claire is rare. (busy woman.) Mike's daughter Alyssa and two sons, Jacob and Tyler are so wonderful. Alyssa and i hung out last night and i did her hair this morning, she reminds me a lot of Marlianna. Jacob is just a lot of fun, He, Tyler, Julie and I play tag. It was sad to say goodbye. Claire and i watched two movies this weekend, one really intense movie (the missing) and a chick-flick (Mona lisa's smile?). They both, in my opinion, were really good. However the fact that i was home for a total of 4 hours this weekend does present a problem. I have 6 chapters to read in Huck Finn because, i forgot to get it out of my book bag before i left. I love reading, so it's alright. I do wish i was not such a procrastinator when it comes to doing homework over the weekend.
We had amped "boot camp" (kick off night) tonight. I am extremely excited. The more i hear about what our youth-group is going to change into, the more excited i become. It's strange to see a youth-group where kids no longer really cared about the God part, make a complete U turn. The most amazing part i guess is, it all changed in 2 weeks. My theory on this is, the kids got tired of doing the same old thing constantly, as did the leaders, but they refused to change so the youth-group died. Then Jason and Julie Craig came along and brought everything into perspective... i really admire those two.
So anyway, i guess this weekend has been a really good one. I was able to talk to my mentor and seek advice for one thing, and i also was able to be a little kid again for a while. Sometimes i wish i could turn back time and be a Four-year-old all over again... those were the days. Well i guess thats it for tonight.

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-15T17:21:00

2004-05-15T21:25:48Z

Why does everyone want to be annorexicly skinny? It boggles my mind. Way back when it was fashion to be pleasantly plump because is showed wealth. When did it change? We go from one extreme to the other. I mean i must admit, i'd like to be that thin too...but i just can't help but wonder why society puts such an emphasis on it? So what if you are chubby, personally i find chubby girls to be adorable. I feel like if society wasn't so focused on how a girl looks there wouldn't be so much depression and there sure wouldn't be eating disorders. I wish people would accept everyone for the body shape they've been given. As long as someone eats healthy and doesn't over eat, they are perfect. Thats how God made them and intended them to be. That is my thoughts for today... the end. </3>Cassie*andrah</strike>

cassieandrah @ 2004-05-15T13:49:00

2004-05-15T17:52:19Z

i watched mara last night and she is so cute, she has so much hair now. I got to go through my brother-in-laws CD collection, and he has soooo many good cd's i love it. So i found a bunch of new bands that i like...i helped them take this shelf to a friends house today and i got home at 12. Claire and i are supposed to hang out, but it doesn't look like we can now, so i'm somewhat upset about that. Oh well, she had a funeral and an after thing to go to so i know she couldn't help it. But i dunnno i kind of have been feeling alone and friendless lately... i guess thats dumb to some people, but i'm just being honest... </3>Cassie*andrah</strike>

.....and suddenly it doesn't seem so bad.

2004-05-14T19:26:05Z

I guess things are looking up. I talked to Claire last night, and she cheered me up. It's strange, no matter how messed up things are or how depressed i am talking to her always helps. She's understanding too, no matter what the situation is. I really love that about her, shes such a wonderful person. Speaking of wonderful people i saw my niece today. She is so adorable, i saw her today and i am babysitting her tonight, and the more i watch her the more i realize how much shes grown. She has so much personality for being 1 and 1/2. I love it, and she talks alot it's wonderful... she always brings a smile to my face, and she says the funniest things. For example the other day Noah asked for a hug and she gave him one then he asked for another, she got mad and said "bye bye" and turned around and ran away. It was the cutest thing ever. I really am lucky to be surrounded with good people. I am so glad its the weekend, it means i have a whole 2 days without being completely slammed verbally. It's sad how much i look forward to the week being over... oh well.
</3>Cassie*andrah</strike>